Consent-Based Marriage and Lack of Permanency

            In our world and in our society today, it can be extremely difficult to find monogamy, exclusivity, and permanency portrayed as good and desirable. Many movies and TV shows contain families that represent divorce, cheating, step families, and even cohabitation. This stems from what Ryan T. Anderson, Ph.D., calls a “consent-based marriage,” in his book Truth Overruled: The Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom. This term, “consent-based marriage,” just means that everything comes back to consent, and consent is a good thing, but when we take it too far, it can become negative. If everything is about consent, then there can easily be a point where we say, “I am not consenting to be married to you anymore,” or, “I want to consent to be with another person, even though I still with you.” This can be extremely hazardous as it becomes more about what I want, rather than the needs of anyone else, including spouse and children.

            What may be better for our society and for us, as people, even if we feel entitled to get what we want, is what he calls a “comprehensive marriage,” which is much more about the relationship as a whole and the marriage itself, rather than individuals. I am not saying that if there are large issues, like abuse or addictions, that we should always stay in a relationship. What I am saying is that sometimes, we skip over the thoughts of who will this affect and want to just get our way.

            In the movie, Fireproof, the husband, Caleb, and wife, Catherine, are on the verge of divorce. They show a lot of this style of “consent-based marriage,” at the beginning and tend to only care about themselves. Caleb is especially at fault, as he continuously views pornography on his computer and does not care what his wife feels about this. Then, his father gives him a 40-day challenge in which he is to do good, loving things for his wife. This changes the entire relationship, as he recognizes that it is not about him, but about their marriage and about showing her he cares. There is a turn around from this lack of desire for permanency as they begin to submit divorce papers, until the end of the movie when they decide to stay together. Permanency is disappearing in our society. A study conducted by Kennedy and Ruggles (2014) found that, “divorce rates have doubled over the past two decades among persons over age 35.” That is a large increase. The way things are portrayed in the media does not help.

            I think it then becomes the responsibility of those who care about this issue to stand up and say something about it. We can even show that there are still those of us who believe that permanency is best. We can make a difference, one person at a time. This is me, trying to make a difference.

References

Anderson, R. T. (2015). Truth overruled: The future of marriage and religious freedom. Washington, DC: Regnery Publishing.

Kennedy, S., & Ruggles, S. (2014). Breaking Up Is Hard to Count: The Rise of Divorce in the United States, 1980–2010. Demography, 51(2), 587-598. doi:10.1007/s13524-013-0270-9