Children's Needs and Parenting

                We have been discussing a lot about marriage in the past, but this week, we talked about parenting. That can definitely be a difficult thing, and I am sure that all of us wish there was a book that could tell us exactly what to do and what not to do as a parent. Unfortunately, that does not exist, which is why we need to find many different options through research and other things, and then decide what is best for us as parents. Since all children are different, all families are different, and all parents are different, some things will work for some people but not for others.

                The one thing that I found to be most beneficial was to first realize what the child’s or teen’s needs are. Most of the time, when a child is acting out, it stems from some unmet need that may have been overlooked by their parents. There is a quote that was mentioned in class that I love. Spencer W. Kimball said, “Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner.” I definitely believe that applies in parenting. While we may not refer to the way our children are acting as sin, we can see how their misbehavior is not who they are but more what they are lacking. They need help. That is where good, loving parents come in.

                There were specific needs that we discussed in class and how we can help when we see that children are not having those needs met. The first one is contact and belonging. This makes sense because everybody wants to feel wanted and needed. Sometimes, when children feel they are not getting that, they will turn to other ways of seeking for attention. A parent’s job, then, is to recognize that their child is missing their love and affection, causing them to act a certain way. Then, they need to reach out and love them. Show them you care and help them to find purpose in the home.

                We also discussed protection as an unmet need. Children may try to seek revenge to their peers because they are bullied and do not feel protected. Parents can help their children through this by teaching them assertiveness and forgiveness. It is important, though, to understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive is more about self-confidence and standing up for yourself, but aggression is hurting someone because you can. Children also need to understand this difference. If they can learn those things, they will be better prepared to feel protected and ready to stand up for themselves.

                There are more needs we talked about, but I want to say that when we pay attention to what a child needs, rather than the way they are acting or their behavior, we can show them so much more love. The relationship between parent and child will grow so much more easily. There is much less likely to be a power struggle between parent and child because parents are not trying to control their children. They are trying to help them. Control does absolutely nothing anyway. It only creates a rift in the relationship.

                I mentioned Christ earlier, and I know that He would only want to show us love, even if we are sinning. He does it in a way to help us see that we are cared for, but what we are doing is only hurting ourselves. That is the kind of parent I want to be. I want my children to know that I only do and say some of the things I do because I want them to be happy and know that I love them. I imagine that all parents feel this way. Being like Christ and looking for the needs will help so much.