Marriage and Children

We discussed this week how there are a lot of changes and adjustments that take place in a person’s life when they get married. Things become more of “us” rather than “you and me.” The way that money is spent is different. The way that money is shared is different. The way that someone sleeps could be different. The way that someone spends their free time is different. Even the way that you live in your home from day to day will change because you are sharing your space with a new person that has come from different circumstances and different ways of life and possibly even a completely different culture. A lot can change by deciding to marry someone, and hopefully priorities change a little bit, too.

Another thing that could be a big adjustment, and possibly the biggest adjustment, is bringing children into this world. First, a couple needs to be able to decide together when they want that to happen, what their expectations are, how they expect to raise that child, rules they want to set in their home, etc. Then, when the baby actually comes, it will make a huge difference in the lives of the mother and father. Who is going to be working to bring income into the home? Who is going to be doing most of the cooking and cleaning now? Who is going to wake up in the middle of the night when the baby cries and needs attention? There are so many decisions to be made in these new circumstances.

A marriage can really suffer from bringing a child into the home if the couple is not careful. There needs to be so much more communication to understand each other and how things need to go now as parents. One of the biggest things that can become a problem is the mother spending so much time with the child to nurture and comfort it, while the husband may step back and feel less needed. There can then become this struggle where the mother feels that her husband does not want to help, and they both begin to drift apart. Obviously, there can come more arguments from this, but if there is greater communication happening, this can be worked through much more easily.

I am actually really grateful to have had this discussion this week because my husband and I are expecting our first child currently. In some ways, though, I feel this pregnancy has brought us much closer together. It has been so wonderful to go to doctor appointments together and see our little boy on the ultrasound and watch him wiggle and squirm. We have loved to listen to his heart beat together and see that our baby is growing and healthy. I love when we see these little things that are so big to both of us and turn to smile at each other about how amazing it all is that we are going to be parents for this sweet little boy!

It has also brought us closer together as I have been pretty sick since the beginning, and my husband has been so wonderful to do so much for me. He has cooked and cleaned and brought me food in bed and worked to bring money in for us, and I am so grateful for him. I hope that we can take these feelings we have had throughout this pregnancy into our time as parents after the baby is born. I want to be able to put my husband into the equation just as much as my child, so our baby knows that both of his parents love him so much. As we work together to show love to our child, we will be building our relationship with each other as well, and I think that is most important. Our children need to know that their parents love and care for each other, just as much, and maybe even more than, them.